“Beginnings could happen more than once, or in different ways. You could think you were starting something afresh, when actually what you were doing was carrying on as before.” The Unlikely Pilgrmage of Harold Fry.
The timing of this may be wrong. Or, maybe, it’s right. It’s not meant to reflect on the beginnings of a New Year, even though we are in its first month. January. Janus, the twin-headed god, looking backward and forward. It is a nice co-incidence that it is the New Year. But, rather, I think this is really about looking backward no more.
The beginning that is happening ‘more than once‘ as the character Harold Fry calls it,..is my beginning…of a new life, post-career. The ‘first beginning’ happened 18-months ago, when I walked away from my longtime career. And, like a kid busting out of school towards the first day of summer, I have experienced joy and adventure and the feeling of the warm sun on my skin, figuratively and truly. Much of this first beginning has been about travels, discovery, play, wide open spaces, timeless timetables. No schedule. No demands (well, barely). And, no holds barred for living.
But, there is, now, or so it seems, a second beginning.
Like that endless summer vacation we lived as kids, so much of the sense of freedom comes from being outside the norm. Away from the rigours and routines. Wrapped (or unwrapped) in boundless time and energy. Free! But that kind of freedom is, in some respects, relative. It’s based on knowing the ‘un-freedom’. It’s in relation to the schedule, the ‘norm’, the business-as-usual we always, always returned to at the end of summer. Except this time.
This time…summer’s over – (to let that metaphor roll on..sorry, it will end soon!). I’m not returning to ‘business as usual’. There’s no ‘back to class’ happening. Nope. And, the mad times of playing and staying up late with friends, and sleeping in, and carrying on in whatever manner (I’m talking about ‘summer’ here, and, well, a bit of life these past 18 months, too!) these kinds of summer times, they are, perhaps, winding down. It is time to begin (again) and experience a different kind of freedom. Something deeper. I think. I mean, I don’t really know, for sure. I just feel things shifting. There is a new rhythm, a different kind of drive, a different way of being in the day-in-and-day-out of my days coming to the fore. I feel it. I just can’t describe it.
What I do know, with some certainty – is that I’m entering new territory. And, with it comes another beginning – perhaps, a truer beginning, to my new life, post-career. And, it’s much less about looking back, and all about looking forward.
Cross-posting with the wonderful women over at Vision and Verb. Please pay them a visit over here…